I arrived back in Canberra last night. Somehow it feels different to the other times I’ve come home and yet in some ways similar. When I came home from Africa I was grateful to feel safe and to be living in a place where things were reliable like buses and trains. But I couldn't keep doing what I was doing so I moved to Canberra. When I came home from Nepal I was grateful to be clean again and for hot showers but I couldn’t go back to IT contracting and ended up doing corporate coaching which I loved.
This time it’s different. This time, for some reason not apparent to me yet, I’m not really grateful for anything. I didn’t want to come back, not yet anyway. Now, I want to stay "expanded" and not shrink back to the way I was before I left. Does that make sense? In that expanded state I feel powerful, confident, gorgeous and sexy! I feel more like a woman than a girl; self assured and strong. What is it about the trip that made me feel that way and how can I keep that feeling alive? Is it simply a matter of being true to myself? Is it being bold and courageous, taking risks and saying “Yes” to life? And if it is, how can I do that here, back in ‘normal land’ where I have debts to pay and a job to find?
I have 2 job interviews next week. Both are well paid and involve travel. Both are in Sydney. Both of them I am well qualified for. But if I am being true to myself will I take either of them? And if I don’t what else would I do? My commitment is to be true to myself, to let who I am, really, at my core, guide my choices but you know, I’m still not sure how that looks exactly.
I’ve just had a huge taste of it recently and I like it but I don’t yet know how to be that way every day. I don’t know how to choose a partner from that space. I don’t know how to choose a job or career or a place to live even. Or maybe I do and I’m just too chicken shit to follow through. For example I know I’m an adventurous free spirit who loves being a global citizen and that trying to build businesses in out of the way places like Canberra, Australia, which take time and money, which keep me tied to one location and which involve a lot of responsibility doesn’t really work for me. But I keep doing it. Perhaps, if I recognised and fully owned who I am, then I'd study journalism and psychology, find some writing contracts and sail around the world writing about people, photographing, diving, meeting the natives. Maybe someone or some organisation will fund me or maybe I'll fall in love with some gorgeous man who will provide me with financial support.
Am I dreaming or what? What would you do if you weren't afraid? What would you do if anything was possible?
So... some things to ponder...Isn’t journaling great?
Comment if you feel like it.
Love
B
This time it’s different. This time, for some reason not apparent to me yet, I’m not really grateful for anything. I didn’t want to come back, not yet anyway. Now, I want to stay "expanded" and not shrink back to the way I was before I left. Does that make sense? In that expanded state I feel powerful, confident, gorgeous and sexy! I feel more like a woman than a girl; self assured and strong. What is it about the trip that made me feel that way and how can I keep that feeling alive? Is it simply a matter of being true to myself? Is it being bold and courageous, taking risks and saying “Yes” to life? And if it is, how can I do that here, back in ‘normal land’ where I have debts to pay and a job to find?
I have 2 job interviews next week. Both are well paid and involve travel. Both are in Sydney. Both of them I am well qualified for. But if I am being true to myself will I take either of them? And if I don’t what else would I do? My commitment is to be true to myself, to let who I am, really, at my core, guide my choices but you know, I’m still not sure how that looks exactly.
I’ve just had a huge taste of it recently and I like it but I don’t yet know how to be that way every day. I don’t know how to choose a partner from that space. I don’t know how to choose a job or career or a place to live even. Or maybe I do and I’m just too chicken shit to follow through. For example I know I’m an adventurous free spirit who loves being a global citizen and that trying to build businesses in out of the way places like Canberra, Australia, which take time and money, which keep me tied to one location and which involve a lot of responsibility doesn’t really work for me. But I keep doing it. Perhaps, if I recognised and fully owned who I am, then I'd study journalism and psychology, find some writing contracts and sail around the world writing about people, photographing, diving, meeting the natives. Maybe someone or some organisation will fund me or maybe I'll fall in love with some gorgeous man who will provide me with financial support.
Am I dreaming or what? What would you do if you weren't afraid? What would you do if anything was possible?
So... some things to ponder...Isn’t journaling great?
Comment if you feel like it.
Love
B
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